1. Spend time with your kids. We spell love L-O-V-E. Children and teens spell it T-I-M-E. The myth that the quality of time is more important than the quantity of time spent with children is just that - a myth. We would not buy this lie if a surgeon told us, "I was not able to spend as much time as I would have liked on your surgery, but the few moments I did spend was really quality time." We want both quantity and quality. So do our kids. I've worked with many people who have provided everything for their children except themselves. How nice and big your house looks from the outside is much less important to your kids than how it feels to be on the inside of your home. One of the best ways to spend time with your children is to let them lead. Set aside the time, and then do what they would like to do. Let them lead. You could find yourself doing things that look funny, but so what? Set dates with your children. Block out a chunk of time, and protect it just as you would an important business meeting. 2. Discipline your children. Discipline is not just spanking or grounding, though there is a place for both. Disciplining is loving correction. If you are not able or are not willing to discipline your children, you might consider whether you really do love them. Disciplining your kids is not fun, but it is love. The child who grows up in an anything-goes, my-kid-can-do-no-wrong kind of home grows up with weak choice muscles when it comes to right and wrong. Teach your kids the difference between making good choices and making bad choices. You make bad choices, and bad things happen; make good choices, and good things happen. Teach this and model this, because it's the real world. 3. Show your kids how the world works. Most of the successful people I know have had someone in their lives teach them how the world works. Three of the most important things we need to know and are taught so little about are: how to have a successful love relationship; how to be an effective parent; and how to make and manage money. If you don't know how to teach these things, then learn how. Showing your children how the world works demonstrates love because it imparts values to them. If you don't do it, there are plenty of people in the world who will, but they may have an agenda that does not include the best interests of your children. 4. Love your spouse. The first place your kids learn how to love another person is by watching you. Do your kids see affection or disrespect? 5. Watch your words. The words we speak to our children can be encouraging or discouraging, a blessing or a curse. I've worked with many clients whose entire self-image was centered on what their parents told them about themselves. I know competent people who deep down believe they are losers because they were told so by their parents. A single word or phrase can last a lifetime. If you have spoken words that were less than a blessing to your children, clean it up. Apologize. Have the conversation. Tell them you do not see them that way, and then show them that you don't. If you are having trouble finding words to bless your children, start with: "I'm so glad you are my child, because ..." and then go from there. It's also important to back up your words with actions. |
