Starting over after divorce can be overwhelming. How do you learn to date again? What steps do you take to create a social life? What can you do to start your life over and not make the same mistakes you made in the past?

Men and women lose at least half of their social network when they get divorced. Their relationships with relatives, in-laws, neighbors, work colleagues, and spousal friends all shift and change. It takes determination to start building new social connections when you are alone and starting over.

Here are Five Tips to help you start over.

1. Mourning the loss of a marriage is necessary. Following that, you need to find ways to get positive.

Therapy and counseling can help. Give yourself at least a year to mend. Eventually, there comes a point when you need to change your focus. Think about what you have always wanted to do and where you have always wanted to go. Take one specific talent and polish it. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong in your life, start looking at what you have going for you.

2. Date cautiously.

The danger in the awkward pre-dating state is that you can get into a mini-marriage (a relationship that is exclusive but not committed) before you really know the person. After one or two dates, you could start seeing a person out of habit and loneliness without thinking it through. Then, you will not be available to find the love you have always wanted. When you go out, stay open to meeting lots of people, and try not to get hooked up with just one person yet.

3. Plan your weekends.

When you are alone on the weekends, you are vulnerable. Plan ahead. Call a cousin, or your mother, father, sister, brother, uncles, aunts, or nieces and nephews. You have someone in your life you can take places with you who will not look like a date, no matter what gender they are. Always have a plan for something on the weekend.

4. Find something new to do that you love.

Nothing revitalizes our life like doing activities that we love. When you do this, you will become more attractive, and will find it easier to meet others. What have you always wanted to do and kept putting off? If you don't know where to start, pick up an adult school catalog and plan from there.

5. Visualize.

Before you go to sleep at night and before you start your day in the morning, visualize how you want your day to be. Following that, picture how you would love for your life to look all the time. What do you want to do in your work and what kind of relationships do you want around you? Picture yourself with all the love and attention you want and need.

You can build a new and wonderful life. Starting over starts with taking one step at a time. You can do it!

Tonja Weimer

Tonja Evetts Weimer is a Master Certified singles relationship and life coach, speaker, syndicated columnist and author.

Tonja is a full time professional coach with a practice in Greenville, SC. She helps individuals, especially singles, re-craft their lives and find happiness and success in their career and relationships. Some of Tonja's professional activities include:

==> Syndicated singles relationship columnist, writing SAVVY DATING, a weekly column read by over a million readers in many U.S newspapers. Tonja's column addresses relationship and life issues of interest to all adults, but particularly to the over 110 million singles in the U.S. Tonja has also had articles published in New Woman, Hope, and House Beautiful magazines, and has won 3 Matrix Awards for her writing.

==> Motivational speaker, Tonja has been a keynote presenter at national and international conferences over the last 30 years.

==> Author of materials for educators and parents (7 books, six music albums and 2 videos), which have won 22 awards.

Some Speaking and Media Highlights:

==> Keynote speaker for 2004 Women?s Issues Network Conference, Sumter, SC.

==> Keynote speaker for 2002 Parents as Teachers International Conference, St. Louis, MO.

==> Keynote speaker for 1999 International Conference for Children & Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder.

==> Keynote speaker for 1998 European Education Conference, in Mannheim, Germany.

==> Keynote speaker in 35 U.S. states at educational conferences.

==> Presenter at the International Special Olympics in Notre Dame, at the request of Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

==> Created Space Songs for Children, at the request of NASA (album taken into space by astronauts three times.)

==> Appeared on CNN?s Showbiz Today and many other TV shows.

Educational and Professional Qualifications:

==> National Fellow (U.S. Dept. of Education.) M.A. in Human Development and Education, with an emphasis on creativity.

==> Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach, Relationship Coaching Institute.

==> Personal Life Coach, Graduate, Institute for Life Coach Training.

==> Member, International Coaching Federation